In a randomly generated scenario, the player characters are sent to investigate the mysterious disappearance of Laundry officer Harry Palmer, who was investigating equally mysterious disappearances at Paradise Mansions housing estate in Hackney Wick. Interviewing his line manager, they discover that there may be a connection to several wild parties held in flat 3b. They search Palmer's properly warded Shoreditch apartment and find that Mr Palmer was a bon-viveur and has ladies' underwear stuffed
The team are introduced to N's colleague C. C is dressed in a conservative business suit and looks like a civil servant.
“I do try to look unimpressive."
“Congratulations. You've succeeded."
“So you're the head of Section D, but you're called C?"
"Yes, it's to confuse the enemy."
“They're not the only ones."
“Jeeves, can you speak French?"
“I am from Rennes, sir. I can speak French like a native."
Csilla and Benjamin try and fail to pick the lock on the door t
The player characters discover that their doubles are the 'real' them.
"We're not us!"
Sanity checks are called for. Csilla is shocked. Benjamin is beside himself, if you'll pardon the pun.
The team barge into Doctor Magnussen's underground office. She is taken aback.
"Who are you?" she demands.
Benjamin rolls his eyes. "Come on, you cloned us. You know who we are. What kind of mad scientist are you?"
The Keeper points out that the mission is t
"He knows Jeeves!"
"Everyone knows Jeeves. Let's shoot him."
"Are we desecrating dead bodies now?"
"Do you think Cthulhu would have a problem with that?"
"No, but the priest might."
"Can we bury him alive?"
"No, he helped us."
"OK. I'll shoot him."
The Resistance farmhouse is attacked by a Byakhee. Jeeves fails his SAN roll, whereupon he develops an unusual eating disorder. He immediately grabs a knife and fork, and goes out to carve up the B
"I've had a busy night." "You've had a busy night?!" "Yeah: I had to shoot a concierge." "Well, I had to show my boobs to a creepy old guy in the hospital to get a pass."
The two player characters have difficulty in pronouncing the name of their French Resistance contact Yves. First they call him Eeves, then Jeeves. "You rang, my Lord?" "Yes, Jeeves. We need someone who can read Arabic." "Naturally, sir. We get a lot of call for that in the Breton countryside." "Good, Jeeves. I knew we could
“You can take any reasonable item. Except one."
“A Hand of Glory?"
“Oh. Except that one as well."
“Make a Hide roll."
“OK. You're hiding successfully behind a gaping hole in reality."
“Now you don't get to say that every day."
“KNIGHT ONE to DRAGON BASE: Request immediate evac. PRINCESS ONE and PRINCESS TWO retrieved safely. PRINCESS THREE has gone native. Repeat gone native. Cross-fertilized with the Bloody Tongue!"
“You've heard the phrase 'footloose and fancy free'? Well, we've shot your foot off and your fancy's going next."
“Sorry: that's what we call the Death Trap Chamber."
“You're a bit too cocky, but you won't be if you carry on like that."
“What's in the cave?"
“It's virtually deserted."
“You mean there's someone in it?"
“I'm so close to killing this guy."
“Can you give us a description of the inhabitant of the cave? Does he have a television aeria
The team are called in to investigate artist Victoria Foster, whose paintings have recently become better but weirder.
"Oh no! Not again!" (Face-palm moment.)
"Would I be right in thinking that this change in Miss Foster's art occurred after she had started reading some strange books?"
"No, but she had been having unusually vivid nightmares."
"Yep. That'll do it too."
They travel to Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and visit the sleep clinic w
Investigation into the disappearance of Michael Walton leads the team to Falcon Point, where they try to climb Fish-Head Rock, having seen the place depicted in one of his paintings. Professor Linthwaite suddenly falls unconscious and collapses back into the boat, while Ira Madison, Benedict Quip and Shropshire all lose 3 magic points.
"We've come to the right place then."
Madison tries to revive Linthwaite, but despite rolling 01 on First Aid, the Professor remains unconscious.
The investigators' contact from the U.S. State Department is a tall, thin man by the name of Raymond Cort. His physique earns him the nickname Basketball Cort.
"I hope he doesn't get involved in any nefarious activities. Then he'd be Criminal Cort."
"Yeah; and if he keeps losing sanity at this rate, he'll end up as A Ward Of Cort."
A tip-off from dubiously helpful Chief Inspector MacMorn leads the team to the eRotica sex-shop in a back alley off Old Compton Street in the heart of Soho.
"It's probably gay."
"You go round the front. I'll go round the back."
"No! I can't believe you said that!"
After chatting to the proprietor, Jittery Steve, one of the investigators buys a six-pack of snuff movies for the knockdown price of Â£1600 and is given a package of porn to deliver to anti-sleaze campaigner John Howick MP. "
"I'm no expert in seaweed," announces Ira Madison, Private Eye. The team have been investigating the dingy studio of mysteriously comatose artist Nelson Blakely. The Keeper omits to give them the letter from Pickman.
"Ref, you're keeping handouts from us. That's withholding evidence. We can arrest you for that."
Madison looks at Blakely's unfinished canvas and is unimpressed. He even suggests taking the painting home so that he can finish it himself. Professor Linthwaite averts his eyes, as
"Is Armitage fungal yet?"
"Good: that means the events in Document 10 haven't happened yet."
Dr Armitage has phoned the investigators to reveal his discovery of the latest document in his dressing-gown pocket. He has also phoned them to ask the time, as the clock on his mantelpiece has stopped working.
They read the document, then immediately arrange a special general meeting with the other members of the Armitage Inquiry, and get a quorum!
Tyler Freeborn opines: "The apocalypse predi
Engineer Benedict Quip's concept of time has become somewhat subjective, partly because chronometric devices lose time and then stop completely in his presence. Thus he is an hour late for the team's trip to Arkham to view the latest document, scrawled on grease paper and left in the centre of the marble Elder Sign inlaid in Miskatonic Library's vestibule.
Clues in the document lead them to hunt for the Sutton hillbilly family in upstate Massachusetts. They drive to Concord, the nearest larg
The team track down dodgy chemist Leon Godtland from the Millbrook Business Improvement Association (moving forwards) and discover that he has been employing his shop's basement for melting down hobos and other undesirables, then using their essential salts to increase his longevity.
"How old are you?"
"Looking good for your age. Can you prove that?"
"No. Census records don't go back that far."
"And did you keep any trophies from your victims?"
"I'm not a psychopath! I'm...an alchem
The hunt continues for the Sikh hitman who evaded the investigators by jumping out of the window of his room at Pension Matigny and spraining his ankle. He has now acquired the sobriquet Limping Singh.
Investigation reveals Limping Singh's complicity in the deaths of other amusingly-named underworld characters such as Four Fingers Cheng and Fatty Tang, the latter having been turned into a wizened, dessicated corpse by a star vampire. "He ain't fat no more!"
The French pickpocket who filc
A rather freeform session of Cthulhu by Gaslight using the newspaper adverts in the first Shadows Over Baker Street story. Elisabeth Anderson has now purchased two bottles of Dr. Jekyll's tonic for use against "constipation of the soul" and has made the acquaintance of Dr. V. von F., marvelling at the good doctor's experiments in restoring vigour and life-force through electricity. She declined to visit a Romanian gentleman by the name of Mr. V. Tepes for "exsanguination therapy", but did visit
- So you're finally going to use the comb?
- Hm. Alright. All I have to do is throw it over my shoulder when I'm in the woods?
- That's right.
- And it'll summon a woodland nymph?
- What, like a Dryad?
- Something like that.
- Well, I'm desperate. I'm in the woods. I'm marking a tree, throwing the comb and running like hell before the Keeper of the Yellow Sign and the "woodland nymph" turn up.
- OK. Behind you can hear...
- I'm not looking!
- You can hear the sound of trees bein
"OK guys, make a Cthulhu Mythos roll."
Benedict Quip, ninja engineer, rolls a 35. "Yes, made it. What do I know?"
Professor Lance Linthwaite looks askance. "You rolled what?"
"I've SHOT people with less Mythos than that!"
Starkweather is borne into the sky by an Elder Thing. The player-characters try to shoot it down. Unfortunately, they all miss. Fortunately, Shropshire's rifle shell hits Starkweather instead. "Egad, sir, I believe I have winged the blighter!" Shropshire gets an imme
The last night in NYC, the group find a speakeasy. They are sold industrial ethanol with brown flavouring after asking for "Whisky". Three characters fail their CON rolls and spit it out, but Prof. Linthwaite takes a liking to it; so much so that he buys a whole barrel.
The Professor and Benedict Quip get into Starkweather's good books by helping with the fire on board/next to the ship.
Ira Madison is less enamoured of their expedition leader: "Starkweather: you're a c**t; and I'm only g
Professor Linthwaite, recovering from the scurrilous article about him in the New York Tattler, has the inspired idea of buying a crutch, eyepatch and parrot to blend in at the seamen's speakeasy. He then has the even more inspired idea of NOT dressing like a pirate and leaving his plum-voiced English butler at the hotel.
They encounter Detective Hansen.
"So, Inspector, how's the case?"
"I'm not an Inspector; I'm just a Detective."
"So, have you interviewed the mad German who was
"Right: we fly to the Antarctic, plant a flag on the Miskatonic Mountains, save the world and come back home for tea."
Having researched James "John Wayne" Starkweather's previous expeditions, the player characters decide they'd better outfit themselves to be on the safe side. They prepare for the Antarctic by going down into the basement in their underpants and standing around the Cold Cube they found in the Brockford House.
Researching the members of the Miskatonic Antarctic expedition
One of the players starts reading 5th edition CoC, mistaking it for a rulebook: "Hey, you've been short changing us for years - it says here that skills go up by D10, not D6!"
"I don't run 5th; I run 4th edition. If you want 5th, rub out your Linguist skill and stop using Mechanical Repair for opening locks."
"Sounds like a fair trade."
Back to the game. Benedict Quip, Ninja Engineer, needs some bedrest to recover from last week's gunshot wound.
"Can't I First Aid
Having had the location of Odin Mine revealed to them by one of the few surviving Crom Cruach worshippers ("Worms!?"), the party go in mob-handed. Losing one of the NPC men-at-arms to a Shrivelling attack, they make a stand in the alchemical lab. Most of the archers collapse in fright on seeing the Hound; the others loose (not fire) their arrows and miss. Where did they find these guys? The Hound bursts in, but seems reluctant to attack the PC with a spot of "sweet yet putrescent" Nivea cream on
So they find a pit with a dead guy and two dead horses at the bottom. The Kid volunteers to be lowered down. He finds a tunnel. The PCs cut off a horse's tail and mane to use as a torch (the hired help already have torches in their Adventurers' Pack TM). They head on down the tunnel and hear scratching, getting louder. The PC guard suddenly offers to go on point duty and take off all his armour - so he can run faster! He guesses there's a Chthonian down there - but still goes ahead. Needless to