The Perils of Non-Gaming Friends

[fooboy]

[quote="dogstar"]Ah I have a very secret identity, most of my friends don't know I game (or at least its not mentioned openly). Its not that I am ashamed, I am just fed up of trying to explain it.

I am not ashamed either...but it's just TOO hard to explain. So I just tell people I get together to hang out with some old friends. It works. Most people assume I am just gambling, doing drugs or watching child pornography, all of which still seem more acceptable to some than playing a role playing game.

When I was dating my wife I purposely left some D&D stuff in my car. She asked. I told her. She shrugged and said "ok." The next week I bought the ring.

[dysjunct]

I think that we CoC players tend to be pretty "high-functioning" gamers, in that it's possible for us to interact normally with non-gamers and to even pass for normal in mixed society -- i.e. have conversations with no gaming references. Then again, I know that CoC players also tend to be elitist amongst gamers in general, but I digress....

But how do you explain a 33 year old with a plush Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep and a Shoggoth lurking on his bed?

In the privacy of your house, in the privacy of your bedroom? That's highly functional in my book! Who's to know?

Now if you had the Cthulhu hanging from your rearview mirror, the Nyarlathotep in your cubicle, and the shoggoth hanging around your neck....

[DarkAges]

Now I couldn't resist...

I'm almost 40 and shameless

[cynick]

In the privacy of your house, in the privacy of your bedroom? That's highly functional in my book! Who's to know?

There have occasionally been other people in my bed . Luckily my last SO was also a gamer, so no explanations necessary there (she always wanted the summer fun Cthulhu)

Now if you had the Cthulhu hanging from your rearview mirror, the Nyarlathotep in your cubicle, and the shoggoth hanging around your neck....

You better believe that when I finally pass my driving test (don't ask) there’s going to be a Cthulhu hanging from the rearview mirror

[Nightshade]

Part of the problem is the stereotype of the gamer as being socially-inept and lacking in any hobbies or interests outside of games. Part of the gaming community's problem is it's failure to communicate what is really important about why they play and get caught up in the minutiae, which comes across as insular to a lot of folks.

And like any stereotype, it has some basis in reality. This is what happend with my g/f. Her ex-husband was a gamer. Although he was not socially inept, his gaming buddies were. And when the choice was between going out to dinner with his wife alone, or visiting mutual friends for a drink or whatever, he chose to invite people over and roleplay. Eventually she got sick to death of it and it has tainted her view of gamers in general. And I cannot say I blame her.

Over the last six years or so gaming has fallen pretty low on my priority list as "real life" obligations and activities have taken precedence. I do miss it at times (Especially CoC) and it has certainly warped--err-- shaped my outlook on life, but I cannot honestly say that if given a choice between gaming and some other activity on a weekend, that I would choose to game. (Which is ironic considering the amount of time I spend thinking of CoC and here on this website)

But that is just me and maybe because there are no active CoC players with whom I am acquatnted.

[ossadagowah]

I think that there is a healthy balance to all things, whether they are
tv, books, rpgs, or dates. Do a little of everything.

[ghostdog]

Well I think I'm quite lucky then. I'm married so what I tend to do is say to the chaps, right, monday night is gaming night. and we stick to it more or less. If you set aside a designated time, it's much easier and perfectly acceptable for people in "real life". like an evening class or something like that. I tend to avoid the hurdle of having to explain gaming to non players, but if confronted then I have no shame in playing. Most people are curious is all.

I also read comic books, and have no problem at my age of reading them in public or talking to people about them. As far as I'm concerned comic books are a higher former of literature. It's reading matter, reading that matters. The other week I was sat in the pub with a load of my wife's friends from work, and I had a comic book on me. they ask to have a look and start leafing through the pages, looking at the art work etc. Which is odd, because had it been a copy of wuthering heights, would they have bothered?

Bringing me back to roleplaying (we don't call it that in my house we call it GAMING, because that's all it is, a game). people laugh and they mock, and then they go on to talk about Murder mystery dinner parties!! Like it's acceptable? What's the difference besides we don't completely immerse ourselves in the characters, dress up as french maids or Vicars and get drunk? Hmmm, sensible point those people have.

if someone wants to poke fun at the fact that I excercise my imagination once a week by gaming and every day by reading comics, what does that say for the person poking fun?

Remember "GEEKS" are everywhere. Someone who's watched Dallas or Eastenders since episode one and watches it religiously every week is a geek. So you have passion in your lives for something, what's wrong with that?

[Thorulfr]

Part of the problem is the stereotype of the gamer as being socially-inept and lacking in any hobbies or interests outside of games. Part of the gaming community's problem is it's failure to communicate what is really important about why they play and get caught up in the minutiae, which comes across as insular to a lot of folks.

And like any stereotype, it has some basis in reality.

Actually, I would beg to differ: I think that like most stereotypes, while there is a grain of truth, it has very little basis in reality. Most of the gamers I know or have known have always had many interests aside from gaming - most are voracious readers and film buffs, many are accomplished musicians (and have been in several bands) or dancers, target shooters, reenactors, amateur race car drivers (in formal, organized events, not 'street racing'), hobbyists or craftsmen, pilots; several play on a softball team. Few, however could care in the slightest what is happening on TV shows like 'Frasier' or 'Friends', and few even bother to know who is playing in the Superbowl (the World Series, however, is a different matter for a lot of them...).
I think that may be the key - few of them manage to whip up the required amount of interest and enthusiasm for these contrived, artificial "popular" events, preferring to actually DO things. As one friend said after I was trying to find a place to keep my leatherworking and jewelrymaking tools: "Our problem is not that we collect things, we collect HOBBIES."
Granted, I have known the occasional person who fit the 'gamer' stereotype perfectly, but not only are they in the extreme, extreme minority, the rest of us usually find them as disturbing as everyone else does.

As for my wife: she was not a gamer to begin with, and sort of looked down on it at first, but now when we go to the FLGS (friendly local game store), she usually spends more than I (curse you, White Wolf!). I'm still trying to change her mind about Traveller and CofC, but she loves AD&D/D&D, Al-Quadim, Deadlands, Vampire... Hey, it's a start. :o)

[dysjunct]

In the privacy of your house, in the privacy of your bedroom? That's highly functional in my book! Who's to know?

There have occasionally been other people in my bed . Luckily my last SO was also a gamer, so no explanations necessary there (she always wanted the summer fun Cthulhu)

I would hope that anyone whom I invite into my bedroom had better at least be tolerant! My GF is curious about gaming, having never played or witnessed a session, and never moved in the same social circles in school as the gaming crowd -- i.e. she was/is pretty and popular; and no I don't know what she sees in me! -- but I think at this point I've come up with a reasonable definition that works for most people I care to associate with. Thank Nodens I don't LARP ... I think reasonable definitions for that are a lot harder to come by.

Now if you had the Cthulhu hanging from your rearview mirror, the Nyarlathotep in your cubicle, and the shoggoth hanging around your neck....

You better believe that when I finally pass my driving test (don't ask) there’s going to be a Cthulhu hanging from the rearview mirror

"Finally"? See, if you didn't have Cthulhu hanging in front of you, then you wouldn't be so tempted to try and turn in all those non-Euclidian directions.

[cynick]

Now if you had the Cthulhu hanging from your rearview mirror, the Nyarlathotep in your cubicle, and the shoggoth hanging around your neck....

You better believe that when I finally pass my driving test (don't ask) there’s going to be a Cthulhu hanging from the rearview mirror

"Finally"? See, if you didn't have Cthulhu hanging in front of you, then you wouldn't be so tempted to try and turn in all those non-Euclidian directions.

Damn, I knew I was going wrong somewhere. I was hoping having a Great Old One in the car would intimidate the instructor into giving me a pass. My Dominate spells just haven't been working as advertised

[Lord_Summerisle]

I think that may be the key - few of them manage to whip up the required amount of interest and enthusiasm for these contrived, artificial "popular" events, preferring to actually DO things.

I'm unsure that this fits with a lot of gamers being film and comic buffs - those are passive entertainments.

I reckon the thing gamers have in common is brains - thats all. We are just smart people on average, and smart people tend to have interesting hobbies! some of these hobbies are 'nerdy' to other people, but only a minority of the gamers I know are actual nerds. My Call of Cthulhu group includes keen cricketers and a member of the Territorial Army.

I personally care passionately about the soccer world cup and other major sporting events - were I am american I'm sure I'd be into the Superbowl. I also like a wide variety of TV - not just the theoretically 'cool' stuff, but anything that is well written and engagaing (including Frasier and early Friends). I think there IS a typical gamer personality, but the point is its only a PART of what we are.

We share maybe 20% of the same attutudes and interests, and the rest can be anything.

[Brunshalthead]

What's the difference besides we don't completely immerse ourselves in the characters, dress up as french maids or Vicars and get drunk?

You haven't been to some of my games then...

[Wood]

I had some great insights on this... but weirdly, it doesn't seem to want to let me post. Peculiar.

[Wood]

Hmm. It's now telling me there are no posts on page 3 of this thread. Weird.

[PoC]

Fixed.

Paul